So I really didn’t think I’d be going down the road I’m going down again. I’ve been down it a few times. To be metaphorical, the first time ended with the vehicle going off of a cliff.
The second time ended with some sort of a metal fragment coming off some other vehicle on the highway and decapitating me.
The third time … well, it wasn’t pretty.
Yes, that’s right, I’m talking to a guy that I first went out with when I was 18 years old. Don’t judge!
Our first venture into relationshipdom was … bliss. Yes, it was the first time I experienced true love! I was on cloud nine the entire 8 months of that relationship! It was like flying!
… until he dumped me. Why? Because he said I was too good for him. What. The. Fuck. Ever.
So the second time, he was married and said he still felt for me what he’d felt for me 10 years before. Now, I still believe that he did feel those things — but he was also married at the time. With kids. Eventually, it ended up she found out and … well, it ended badly that time.
So let’s move on to now. She hasn’t lived with him in three months. She’s also been cheating on him with another dude. CLEARLY they have problems beyond me from the very beginning, right? Now he’s telling me that he’s getting divorced, and yes I still love him. In that particular brand of love, however, I am feeling EXTREMELY leery of the entire situation. As in, if and when he gets divorced from this chick, THAT’S when I will start trusting him again.
Until then… I don’t know what to do. I keep opening up and thinking directly after that I’m just going to get hurt again. How do I protect myself yet still show him that I’d be willing to make it work if he would just do that one thing?
I don’t know. I hate this part right here.
